ZDK Ministry of Government - Divine Law Library
THE LAWS OF GOD - #7.D.2
Tolerands Supplemental - COURTSHIP AND MATCHMAKING
God has set forth HIS Laws in the Holy Scriptures for ALL Mankind to
know--and obey (Proverbs 14:34 and Isaiah 60:12)!
7. THOU (you) SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY
.A SPECIFIC ADULTERY - Wife Defilement
This issue of the 7th Commandment was covered previously. See at:
.B General Adultery: MOSAIC TABOOS
SCRIPTURAL PERVERSIONS and Sex Crimes (PG)
This issue of the 7th Commandment was ALSO covered previously. See at:
LAW-7.B, above. *** PG Rated ***
.C TOLERANDS (PG-13)
This issue of the 7th Commandment was covered previously, as well.
See at: LAW-7.C.1, above. *** PG-13 Rated ***
To get ABORTION ARTICLE (Click
7.D.2 Tolerands--COURTSHIP AND MATCHMAKING
Romance and finding that special someone to spend your life with is a
bizarre mystery that is hard to fathom (and some people never solve).
Consequently, regulations on such activities are difficult to set, too.
However, the Holy Scriptures do set forth some noteworthy guidelines,
as well as some serious dos and don'ts.
- ...a METHODS OF MATE SEEKING:
While, on one hand, the modern world thinks dating is the only means
of courtship, and, on the other hand, some Bible scholars hold that
only arranged marriages are acceptable to God, the Holy Scriptures
actually set forth a variety of methods. (Perhaps you should
prayerfully consider them ALL for the one that is best for you?)
arranging a marriage through a matchmaker, agent, broker, or
parent was one of the more popular methods of courtship, especialy
among the middle class (and occassionally by the upper or Ruling
class). Consequently, marriages by contract were often arranged
in this manner (Genesis 24:2-4, 29:18-20), with the wife becoming
an official concubine or legal spouse.
offering a damsel's hand in marriage was often the prize or award
for some heroic achievement in Mediavel Times, especially if it
was something that advanced the Kingdom or God's works. We also
find it in Bible Times among the upper or Ruling class.
Consequently, such awards produced full religious marriages or
Holy Union Covenants (Joshua 15:16-17; I Samuel 17:25), with the
woman becoming an honorable wife or even noblewoman.
- BEAUTY CONTEST:
the Cinderella style ball (or Pagent), where the most beautiful
maidens of the Land were assembled to compete for the prized
marriage to nobility or royalty, was frequently used in Mediavel
Times and we find it among the Ruling Class in Bible Times, as
well. This would usually produce a full religious marriage or
literally pergamosun, the elevation of a woman's status by
marriage (Genesis 12:11-15, 20:2; Esther 2:2-4), with the woman
becoming an honorable wife or usually a noblewoman.
- BENJAMITE GIRL CATCH:
this major sporting event of men literally chasing after the girl
of their dreams (who entered the race to see what man might catch
them) seems to have turned into an annual event in Bible Times--and
can be found in some Sadie Hawkins Day Races in the Hill Country
today (Judges 21:20-23). Here the woman would become a concubine
or legal spouse, according to her contract for entering the race
to marry whoever caught her.
- COMBAT CAPTURE (War Brides):
obtaining a bride by capture or conquest of other Lands has often
been a historical means of obtaining a wife, as part of the spoils
of war. This usually resulted in a marraige by usage, with the
women being but bondswomem or slavegirl (Numbers 31:15-18;
Unfortunately, the modern popular form of dating does not appear
to be in Biblical nor Mediavel Times, unless you consider it as
the typical assignations (prostitution) or perhaps seduction,
below? (Consequently, it is not recommended in Our Realm--though
it is not directly forbidden.)
- ENSERFMENT (Vassalage):
when a damsel found a nobleman that she was willing to serve, she
would do him homage and throw herself at his feet (thus asking to
be his servant or slave). This was quite popular in Mediavel
Times and is found in Bible Times, as well. However, such actions
did not always produce marriage but a working relationship was
established and if the girl proved a good laborer, then she could
be taken as a wife or bondswoman later on.
it was quite popular for upper and middle class men to literally
purchase their wives--some as slavegirls and others as chattels or
personnal property from their fathers. Consequently, these
marriages were usualy concubinage or contract marriages. We find
this not only in Bible Times but also in Mediavel Times, as well,
and it was especially popular of the middle class (Ruth 4:9-10;
while not encourage, it has always been recognized in Hebrew
Culture that things can get away from men and women at times and
the emotions of the moment (and the chemistry of the encounter)
can lead to consumation on the spot. Moreover, such romancing
seems to be quite popular with weak women throughout all times.
Consequently, such relationships usually ended up as marriage by
usage, with the woman being but a bondswoman to her man
- WORKPLACE (Meetings at the Well):
men and women are not mechanical robots and if they are to work
side by side then it must be expected that biological chemistry
will occur and romance be sparked at work or at the Congregation,
wherever they associate together (Genesis 24:11-10, 29:9-12;
- ...b BETROTHAL (Engagement):
Once the mate was found (by whatever means, above), a formal
betrothal was often made (especially for arranged marriages) and
vows or promises to marry were exchanged, frequently before
witnesses (Genesis 29:18-20; Exodus 21:7-11; Deuteronomy 20:7,
22:23-29; Hosea 2:18-20; Matthew 1:18-19; Luke 1:26-27).
(Moreover, by tradition, the Groom would offer the Bride a tray of
unleavened bread and wine as a symbol of their first Passover or
Communion together--if she ate and drank of it, then she was saying
that she was agreeable to the terms of the Betrothal!)
- KETUBAH (Holy Union Covenant):
the Betrothal was often formalized in a written document (which we
now call a pre-nuptial or a pre-marrital agreement). However, it
was much more than our modern engagement, for it formed a binding
contract that could only be broken by a divorce proceeding!
(Moreover, by Rabbinic Teaching, Moses delivered God's Ketubah to
Israel in the form of the 10 Commandments and Laws of God at Sinai!)
This contract usually covered:
- ....a BRIDE-PRICE (Father's Gift):
The Purchase of Brides (or at least compensating the Father for
raising the Bride--and parting with her for the wedding) was
usually done in Biblical and Mediavel Times. Consequently, it
is a good practice to keep up (Genesis 24:10, 53, 29:18-20,
34:12; I Samuel 18:22-25; Hosea 3:2-3).
- ....b DOWRY (Husband's Gift):
To help the couple off to a good financial start in their
marriage, the Bride (and her friends and family) would put up a
variety of items and money. Moreover, such gifts were expected
to insure that the couple had relatively equal social status OR
to sweeten the deal (to talk the groom into the marriage) OR as
security against the Bride's previous indescretions (as
insurance for the Groom to receive if she should break the
wedlock). We find this practiced all through the Holy
Scriptures and in Mediavel Times--which is a foreshadowing of
the gifts that the Body of Believers will present to the Lord at
the Marriage Feast of the Lamb (Genesis 30:20, 34:12; Exodus
22:17; Joshua 15:18-19; I Kings 9:16-17).
- ....c MOHAIR? (Bride's Gift):
To help the couple off to a good financial start, the Groom (and
his friends and family) would put up a variety of gifts and
money (to make her married life more pleasant and comfortable,
as well as to purchase her interest in marrying him). Moreover,
like the Dowry, this was held as security and would become the
Bride's property if the Groom should be divorced for just cause.
This was also a long standing practice (Genesis 24:22, 53, 34:12;
I Kings 10:13).
(NOTE: Unfortunately, the term Mohair or gift is sometimes
used for all three gifts, above, so be careful to avoid the
...c ENDOGAMY (and Exogamy):
The Holy Scriptures sternly admonish us to marry within the Peoples
of God (with those of the Faith). Such marriages within your own
group are called endogamy. And we are admonished to even marry not
only within Our own Faith, but also the denomination--or even
Congregation: to keep the Family stable and worshipping God
(I Corinthians 7:39; II Corinthians 6:14-15). (So, keep this in
mind while looking for a mate!)
However, Marriages outside your group or exogamy are tolerated
at times in the Holy Scriptures (though they are generally
considered more risky).
- EXOGAMY TOLERATED:
NOT ALLOWED (See, also NOAHIC RULES OF
- ....a OF FAITHFUL MEN
if they are either marrying a captive woman or war bride
(Deuteronomy 21:1-13) OR are marrying a foreign slavegirl or
purchased woman (Genesis 16:1-3; Judges 14:1-4)--where the
Kindgom of God would be further by the authority of the husband
in the marriage (and she be content to dwell under his Laws from
God--I Corinthians 7:13), and where her status in marriage would
be increased (see Pergamosun) as she learns Our Culture and
comes to walk in God's Ways.
- ....b OF FAITHFUL WOMEN
if they are marrying a foreign ruler or a foreigner of great
enough importance that the Kingdom of God would be advanced by
the union (Nehemiah 6:17-19; Esther 2:8), but not to commoners
as these are likely to dissipate the Family from its Faith.
- ....c OF BOTH
only if the children produced by the union are brought up in the
teachings of God and are instructed to walk in God's Ways--and
definatley NOT the false religion of the foreigners (Nehemiah
...d LEVIRATE MARRIAGE:
- ....a PROMISCUITY:
If the potential Bride or Groom comes from a foreign country or
culture that is wildly promiscuous, and thus likely to spread
sexually transimitted diseases among Our People--see
Infectication under General Adultery.
- ....b IDOLATRY (Conversion):
If the potential Bride or Groom intends to (or keeps up) worship
his old gods of his foreign land or practices (teaches) his old
religion that is NOT of the Judeo-Christian Heritage--unless
they convert and take up God and HIS Ways, BEFORE THE MARRIAGE
(Genesis 24:3, 27:11-13; Exodus 34:12, 16; Deuteronomy 7:3-4;
Joshua 23:11-13; I Kings 11:1-8; Ezra 9:1-2, 11-12, 10:10;
Nehemiah 10:30, 13:23-27).
While God's People are to be given the liberty to pretty much choose
who they wish to marry, there are some restrictions (such as
Endogamy, above). And, while freedom is cherished, the importance
of continuing the Family Line takes priority over it, so that the
childless widow is admonished to marry her husband's brother so that
whatever children she has may have by him may be counted for her
husband's descendants and his Family continued (Genesis 38:6-8;
Deuteronomy 25:5-6; Ruth 4:9-10; Matthew 22:24; Mark 12:19).
Moreover, if her husband's brother is unwilling to marry her (or
at least produce children through her), then she may turn to the
next nearest kin of her husband, in order to fulfill this marital
duty of the Law (Deuteronomy 25:7-10; Ruth 3:11-13, 4:5-8; Matthew
22:24-27; Mark 12:9-22).
Furthermore, if a man only have daughters at his death, then one
of them may be designated heiress, to marry among his male relatives,
that her son(s) may be her father's heir(s)--grandson.
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Filed: 07-07-98 . . . Updated 12-18-00